Friday, June 15, 2007

Lost in Yonkers

I may have lost my knitting mojo... I'm not sure but it seems possible. Yesterday was knit night. All day I debated about going or not going. Normally I would never ever think of not going but lately I've been feeling very blah. I know that I always feel better after I go. I know that I love the people there and feel like part of a group. I know they don't care what I look like or if my knitting sucks or any of that stuff and that's a comforting thought but I just felt yucky and mopey. As I left work I really wasn't sure where I was going but my car headed toward knit night. I drove all the way to Killingsworth (this took about 20 min.) still debating with myself then decided I should go to Salem for the evening and help Mom out. So I turn around and drove for 50 minutes, only making it as far as Wilsonville with no end of the stop and go traffic in sight. Since Wilsonville is still like 35 miles from Salem and it had taken me almost an hour to drive maybe 15 miles I decided that it wasn't going to happen. I turned around and made my way home (another 40 minute trek). The only good part about all this driving was that I was sing/screaming along to an old CD that was in the car. It was therapeutic at least.

Once I finally arrived home I did knit. Actually I spent my knitting time seaming together the little cardigan I've been knitting. I did both sides and gave up on the sleeves. Too much effort, not enough fun. I'm tempted to start a new project but I am afraid that if I do I won't go back and finish this one. I seem (seam :P) to have that problem.

So this weekend the plan is to go to Salem and give Mom a little break. Honestly I wish I could just take a vacation from the real world for a couple of days. Then I think about my Mom being there 24-7 and not getting any breaks and I feel guilty. I have time to myself. I still live in my own house. I still have my significant other close by. Most importantly I'm not watching my mother die before my eyes. Looking at it that way 2 days is nothing and it's much more important to give my Mom a little time for herself.

5 comments:

Kathy said...

You are an amazing daughter and granddaughter to go down and help like that. Be very proud of what you're doing - I'm sure it will mean a lot to both of them (and you).

Bobbie said...

Oh, I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother! Spend whatever time you can with her and your mother; you won't regret it. You'll only regret the time you couldn't spend with her. I wish you'd been able to join the PDX Knit Bloggers today; it sounds like you could have used it.

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